


Shopping

by dark_as_leila



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 13:25:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1348996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dark_as_leila/pseuds/dark_as_leila
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kagami has to go shopping and is massively out of his depth.  Enter a helpful sales assistant Kuroko to save the day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shopping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jen-suis](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=jen-suis).



Kagami was red before he'd even entered the shop. Why did he agree to do this? Why had he allowed himself, yet again, to be strong armed into doing something he really, really didn't want to do. He was disgusted with himself, but, he had promised he would take care of it, so he straightened his back and squared his shoulders before pushing open the door and stepping inside. A bell tinkled prettily as the door swung shut, making Kagami wince. He did not want his presence in this shop announced. He looked around quickly but couldn't see anyone, customer or staff, and let out a small sigh of relief. Best to get this over with quickly so he could go home and die of embarrassment quietly in his own apartment. He navigated around the shelves swiftly, looking for something that would fit the bill from what he'd been told. He stopped in front of a likely shelf and stared at the merchandise for a few moments before making a noise of frustration; he didn't know anything about this stuff, how on earth was he supposed to make a decision?

"Can I help you?" a quiet voice by his side enquired and Kagami leapt out of his skin. He looked down and saw a small man stood next to him, staring at him with wide, blue eyes and a blank expression.

"Holy shit!" Kagami cursed, "How long have you been there?"

"I've been here the whole time," the man answered. staring up into Kagami's face. Kagami stared back, incredulous. He surely would have noticed if someone had been standing next to him for a few minutes.

"What are you, a ghost?" Kagami muttered, looking away from this stranger with the large eyes.

"Some people say that, yes," he answered, "my friends call me a shadow."  
Kagami returned his gaze to the small man, wondering why he would share such information with a stranger.

"Ok..." he said, returning his attention to the shelves in front of him before becoming instantly embarrassed again.

"So, do you need help?" he was asked again.

"Do you work here?" Kagami asked.

The man pointed to a badge on his chest and saw a small badge that said staff with his name underneath.

"Kuroko Tetsuya," Kagami said and the man, Kuroko, nodded, "Kagami Taiga," he answered holding out his hand. Kuroko took it with a warm, calloused hand and a surprisingly firm grip.

"You look confused... and embarrassed," Kuroko said and Kagami went, if possible, even redder.

"I'm standing in front of a wall of sex toys," Kagami spat, "isn't it normal to be embarrassed?" and Kuroko chuckled.

"I have to get something for my brother's stag party," Kagami explained, "and I have no idea what I'm doing. I swear they only sent me because they knew I would hate it," he grumbled. Kuroko smiled then, a small quiet smile and Kagami quirked his own lips in return, "I'm a bit lost to be honest," he admitted.

"Don't worry," Kuroko said, laying a small hand on Kagami's forearm, "It happens all the time. I can help."

Kuroko turned his eyes onto the shelf in front of him and considered for a moment, "First question; you said it's for your brother, do you mind if I ask whom he is marrying?"

"A friend he met at school, a giant idiot to be honest," Kagami said, "in every sense of the word, man's a tree."

"He must be very tall for you to say something like that, Kagami-kun."

Kagami nodded once, ever so slightly flustered by the friendly honorific Kuroko had used, "And he's basically a child, I've never met anyone with more childish tastes."

"And your brother, he has a good sense of humour?"

"Yeah, I guess, he doesn't take offence to all that much. Plus, because it's me that has to buy this gag gift and give it to him, the idea of me in a shop like this will be enough to amuse him out of any potential bad mood," Kagami said with a discontented frown.

Kuroko nodded once, thoughtfully, before studying the items in front of them again and Kagami took the opportunity to study Kuroko. He was small, but since Kagami was very tall, that wasn't saying much, but he seemed slight as well, slender. He had pale skin, pale hair and pale blue eyes, eyes that were large and slightly disconcerting; he never seemed to blink. All in all, Kagami thought to himself, he was cute. Much too cute to be working in sex toy shop.  
Kuroko turned those large eyes on him again and held up two items, "The rabbit shaped vibrator or the turnip-looking butt plug?" he asked and Kagami almost fell over with shock and embarrassment. 

"I... I... I..." he stuttered, eyes moving frantically between the two items, wanting to look anywhere else, but unable to look away.

Kuroko stared at him, not revealing anything on his impressive poker face, "Oh dear, Kagami-kun, this really wasn't a job for you was it?"

Kagami slumped miserably and shook his head.

"You are quite easily embarrassed, it must be difficult to get into your pants," Kuroko commented and Kagami choked on his own breath.

"What!?" he coughed, trying to breathe normally and failing.

"I was teasing you," Kuroko stated with no visible change in expression though Kagami could swear there was a twinkle of mischief in those eyes.

"Don't," Kagami wheezed and Kuroko smiled again.

"Wait here, I'll be right back," he said pressing the vibrator and plug into Kagami's hands before gliding off and out of sight.

Kagami waited, purposefully avoiding looking at the toys he held. A few other shoppers had entered while he had been occupied with Kuroko and he was doing his best to not catch anyone's eye. He was mortified enough as it was, without exchanging more awkward looks with strangers.

"Here, Kagami-kun," Kuroko said from Kagami's side and Kagami jumped again.

"Seriously, how do you do that?" Kagami asked uneasily as he regarded Kuroko once again. Kuroko merely blinked before revealing what he had selected.

"A pair of jewel-encrusted handcuffs," he said, presenting them, "edible underwear, made of candy," he proffered, "and…" he considered the two toys Kagami still clutched, "the rabbit vibrator," he finished decisively.

Kagami was fairly concerned that he was going to burst into flames, judging by the amount of heat that was rolling off his face. He stared open-mouthed at the merchandise he had been given.

Kuroko gently pried the unwanted plug out of Kagami's hand and placed it back on the shelf, "Are my selections ok Kagami-kun?" he asked quietly, Kagami's eyes had glazed over, "Kagami-kun?"

"I… can't believe my life sometimes," Kagami whispered.

"I can help you pick something else if these aren't quite right," Kuroko said gently.

"Oh, oh no," Kagami answered quickly, shaking his head, "this is great, really. Thank you for your help," he said nodding once, "God knows how long I would have been in here if you hadn't been around to help me."

Kuroko smiled, a pleased smile that lit up his face and Kagami felt his pulse quicken in a way that he was sure wasn't embarrassment. Kuroko led him to the cash register and Kagami paid with a credit card.

"What will this come up as on my statement?" Kagami asked in slight panic.

"Don't worry, it just comes up with the shop name," Kuroko said through a small smile.

"Oh," Kagami sighed, "what is the name?" he queried scratching his chin as Kuroko started to place his items into a blessedly discreet, plain plastic bag, "I was so wound up before, I didn't even look."

Kuroko pressed his lips together, and looked down, busying himself with packing, "It's Whips & Kinks," he said, looking up through his messy hair to gauge Kagami's reaction.

Kagami stared at the wall with a sort of blank horror, "Fantastic," he husked and Kuroko couldn't help but smile again.

"Would you like your receipt in the bag?" Kuroko asked, drawing Kagami's attention away from his own horrified fear by waving the paper under his nose.

"Yeah," Kagami said absently. He would have to burn that receipt. He would have to change banks. He would have to kill Takao, the bastard, for making him come and do this.

"It was a pleasure helping you today, Kagami-kun," Kuroko said quietly and Kagami looked down into those wide blue eyes and smiled properly for the first time that day.

"You're a life-saver," he said warmly, patting him lightly on the shoulder.

"I hope he likes them," Kuroko, "if not, send him to me, I'll show him how to enjoy them properly."

Kagami choked, "What?! What the hell are you saying?!"

"It was a joke, Kagami-kun," Kuroko said, placing a calming hand on his chest and Kagami exhaled forcefully. He cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

"You have a strange sense of humour, you know that?" Kagami said in exasperation.

"So I've been told," Kuroko said, letting his hand drop to his side and Kagami could still feel the warmth on his chest.

Kuroko bowed once, "Thank you for shopping with us and I hope you have a very enjoyable stag party."

Kagami awkwardly returned the gesture, "Ah, yeah, thanks for the assistance."

"Tetsu, we got customers," someone called. Kagami looked up and saw a tall, tan boy, gesturing lazily at the other from by the till point.

"Coming, Aomine-kun," Kuroko answered.

"I'll let you get back to work," Kagami said, "Thanks again."

"You're welcome, I'm glad I could help."

"Tetsu," the tall boy whined, shooting Kagami an inexplicably filthy look "Come on."

"Yes, Aomine-kun," Kuroko said placatingly as Kagami returned the dirty look with one of his own, "Goodbye, Kagami-kun."

"Bye," he reciprocated, before turning on his heel and exiting the shop.

As the door swung shut, Kuroko turned to Aomine, who was digging in his ear with one finger, the way he always did when he was bored. He elbowed him sharply in the gut, "Oof," Aomine huffed, "Why, Tetsu?"

"Honestly, Aomine-kun, we're not that busy," Kuroko said, walking passed him and to a shelf where he started to reorganise the merchandise, "Why did you interrupt? Did you need my attention that badly?"

He shrugged, leaning against a table, "That guy was all over you, it was creepy," he stated simply.

"You are blind," Kuroko said, not bothering to look at his friend, "Kagami-kun is clearly the shy type. I've never seen someone so flustered over this kind of thing," he gestured at their range of toys.

"It's all an act," Aomine said firmly.

"You are an idiot," Kuroko said simply, turning his gaze on the other.

"I'm telling you," Aomine said, avoiding the intense stare, "If I hadn't saved you, he would have asked for your number, guaranteed."

"What if I wanted to give him my number?" he questioned and Aomine snorted.

"You can do better."

Kuroko smiled, "That's sweet, thank you Aomine-kun, but that's not for you to decide."

Aomine crossed his arms and sulked.

"Don't pout," Kuroko said, "Do some work."  
\---  
Kagami flopped down into the bus seat and sighed deeply. It had been a long day but at least he had gotten the gift and no one could ball him out for being a chicken. He let his mind wander to the many ways he was going to hurt Takao and felt marginally better. As his mind drifted he found it wandering back to the short, blue-eyed helper he'd met earlier. He shook his head once, glancing at the innocuous plastic bag in his lap. He rummaged in there, fingers closing around the receipt and pulling it out. He unfolded it and read the names of the items that he had bought and instantly regretted it. He was about to put it back and never look at it again for the rest of his life when something at the bottom caught his eye, something hand written. He brought the paper closer to his face and squinted.

"Please call 079XXXXXXX3 for help with shyness, Kuroko Tetsuya <3"

Kagami read through the little message, read it again and stared at the little heart at the end of it. He went bright red and he knew it, he could feel it all over his face. He would lay odds that he was red all over his chest as well. It was at that point that he realised he was grinning like an idiot. He couldn't wipe the smile off his face at all and was still grinning from ear to ear when he let himself into his apartment.

"Kagami, that you?" Takao called out from the kitchen and Kagami hummed an affirmative in response, dropping his bag onto the sofa and still clutching the precious receipt in one hand, "Shin-chan is here," Takao followed up as he wandered into the living room with the aforementioned Shin-chan.

"Midorima," Kagami acknowledged, not looking up at the tall man.

"Kagami," Midorima answered, sitting down in the armchair.

"Did you brave the sex shop?' Takao said, a mischievous smirk on his face as Kagami flopped down onto the soft cushions of their couch, pointed at the plastic bag with one finger and read the little note on the receipt for approximately the 877th time, but who was counting? Takao rummaged in the bag and made approving noises as he pulled out each toy.

"Wow, you did a great job," Takao said as he showed Midorima, who looked both annoyed and uncomfortable.

"Don't shove those in my face," he hissed, trying to wave him away.

"It's nothing you've not seen before," Takao said slyly and Midorima blushed, "In fact, I'd say you've seen much, much worse."

"Takao!" Midorima hissed in admonishment, throwing a quick look in Kagami's direction.

"Kagami doesn't care," Takao said sweetly, slipping into Midorima's lap, who huffed, but accepted his lapful of boyfriend, "In fact," Takao commented, staring at Kagami across the room, "He doesn't care more than usual. Why are you grinning Kagami, did something good happen?"

Kagami looked up then, taking in Midorima's lack of enthusiasm in perfect counter balance to Takao's fervent interest. 

"Seriously Kagami, why so not serious?" Takao joked.

Kagami smiled at his handful of receipt, "It just… wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

Takao, narrowed his eyes, "You--" he began before Midorima squeezed his waist lightly. Takao looked down and Midorima shook his head once, indicating that perhaps he shouldn't say anymore. Takao simply shrugged, "Well, good job with the toys, I hope you thanked whoever helped you."

"I intend to," Kagami whispered to himself as I slipped his phone out of his pocket, smiling a little wider as Takao returned his attention to teasing Midorima, his favourite past time.

\---

Kuroko was rearranging a shelf for the twelfth time that day and Aomine was lounging about not helping, as usual, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Kuroko slipped it out and tapped on the message he received.

"Oi, no phones at work," Aomine said. Kuroko gave him a withering stare before returning his attention to his phone.

'I heard that you can help people overcome shyness. I have a serious case, it may require a lot of attention. Kagami.' 

Kuroko smiled slightly.

"Who's that?" Aomine asked.

"It's Kagami-kun."

"I knew it!" Aomine shrieked, bolting upright "He did ask for your number!"

"No," Kuroko said, as he tapped out a reply, "I put mine on his receipt."

"God," Aomine spat, "No one would guess it from your face, but you are such a flirt."

"Everyone needs a hobby, Aomine-kun," Kuroko answered as he sent his message back and pocketed his phone.

\---

Kagami's phone beeped and he jumped, happy and scared and hoping it was Kuroko, and not someone else, texting him.

'I am confident that I can help. I have many tools in my arsenal, and I'm not just talking about the sex toys.'

Kagami inhaled sharply at the brazen response. He thought hard for a few moments before typing out his reply. He wavered for a minute, wondering if it was perhaps a little too forward, but he decided to bite the bullet and clicked send.

\---

Kuroko opened the message and ignored Aomine's whining.

'I knew it. You are trouble. But, I think, you're the kind of trouble I would like to get in.'

Kuroko was delighted. He hadn't expected such a response, but he was very happy that Kagami wasn't just the shy and flustered type.

"What are you smiling about?" Aomine grumbled resting his chin against the counter and staring at his friend, who was texting rapidly. Kuroko chose not to answer as he finished his message and tapped send.

\---

'It's not such a hopeless case as it seemed! I'm free tomorrow for a face to face session. I have to make sure this forward attitude isn't just over text messages.'

Kagami smiled at that and crafted his reply quickly.

\---

'It's a plan.'

\---

'It's a date.'

\---

'That too. I can meet after 3.'

\---

'That's fine for me as well. Meet me outside the shop.'

\---

'Are you working tomorrow?'

\---

'No, but I do want to see your flustered face again, so it's perfect.'

\---

'Jerk :P'

\---

'Dork :P but it's adorable.'

\---

'Argh! I'm blushing, idiot. 3 o'clock tomorrow.'

\---

'Yes, I am very much looking forward to it xxx'

\---

Idiot… me too X'

**Author's Note:**

> HAHAHAHA, so over on tumblr, there was a little list of AUs and jen-suis asked for a little something to be written as inspiration for a KNB doujinshi she could make and so I WROTE A BLOODY ESSAY on the sex shop one, instead of the drabble this was supposed to be. CARRIED AWAY. As per usual. I disgust myself.
> 
> Anyway, here it is, it's stupid, but I did it. And no one will make a doujin of this because it would be the longest one in the world ever. I AM SORRY.


End file.
